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It’s the Bard’s birthday, so we thought we’d celebrate by sharing some of his work. His list of plays and sonnets was extensive and most of us read his work at school. But did you know he coined some awesome insults – especially great for those situations where you can’t swear!

Did you know Shakespeare invented ‘Yo Mama’ jokes? Well he did – Titus Andronicus, Act IV, scene ii – ‘Villain, I have done thy mother!’

‘Away you three inch fool’ – a not so nice comment on someone’s height! Taken from The Taming of The Shrew, Act III, scene iii

‘I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.’ A good one for replacing I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot barge pole. Especially great if the recipient of this gem is a little slow on the uptake! Taken from Timon of Athens, Act IV, scene iii

‘I am sick when I do look on thee’ – a little more poetic than ‘you ugly.’ Taken from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act II, scene i

‘More of your conversation would infect my brain’ – great for those really annoying dullards you meet daily. Taken from Coriolanus, Act II, scene i

‘I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets’ – I can think of a few people this one might apply to – beggars can’t be choosers! Taken from As You Like It, Act III, scene v

‘I do desire we may be better strangers.’ A nice blunt way of telling someone you can’t stand them. Taken from As You Like It, Act III, scene ii

‘Thou cream faced loon!’ My pasty looking friend, you are an idiot. Taken from Macbeth, Act V, scene iii

You Banbury Cheese! – Banbury Cheese, known for being made in thick rounds! Take from that what you will. Taken from The Merry Wives of Windsor Act I, scene i

The tartness of his face sours grapes. Another for the ‘you ugly’ list. Taken from Coriolanus, Act V, scene iv

Want to tell the office to get lost? ‘Sweep on you fat and greasy citizens.’ Taken from As You Like It, Act II, scene i

‘Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch’ – along the same lines of your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. Taken from King Lear, Act II, scene ii

‘I wonder that you will still be talking. Nobody marks you’ – need to tell someone to shut up because they’re talking rubbish? Taken from Much Ado About Nothing, Act I, scene i

‘A fusty nut with no kernel’ – a better way of saying someone is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Taken from Troilus and Cressida, Act II, scene i.

‘They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces’ – a face only a mother could love? Taken from Coriolanus, Act II, scene i.

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